There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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