I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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