I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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