I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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