she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
