Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
