I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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