we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
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