Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Randomize
