how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
