i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
