jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
