New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
