Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
