Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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