Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
