He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Who died my cat blue again?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
