So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
