he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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