Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
