my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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