Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
