I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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