Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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