Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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