And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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