k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You are a genius and a whore.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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