no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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