U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I AM VODKA MAN
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
