I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
