tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Dear god my vagina.
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