I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
