Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
