A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I currently don't understand fingers.
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