i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
