I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He better not be in your backpack
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
