All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
