i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i think i have herpe
just one?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
