OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
