Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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