I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
