I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
