Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
