He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
