I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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