i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
