He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
