I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
