ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
