Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Randomize
